08 March 2009

Confirms my deepest felt belief

So, I have watched a lot of movies lately. Most of them have been on the AFI list.
I have been too apathetic/lazy to write up "reviews" on them. I guess my priorities have changed? Maybe 'cause it's not "new" anymore? Maybe I am sick of writing, I don't know for sure. But whatever the cause, my corner of the blogosphere has remained silent for a whole month. :O
I don't know, maybe it's weird, but I find myself wanting to talk about my life more than my movies. I know, right? Weird.

Mother and Daughter Relationships
Lately, nothing much has happened, and if you have asked me recently, I have most likely told you so. However, this is not true. IT IS ALL A LIE.
A lot of things are going through my head, so there are a lot of "zoned out" moments for me. "What's up, Bonnie?"
"Nothing", I say.
Why? Because I like to figure things out for myself. I do not like confessions. I would never be a devout Catholic- I would say "Forget the priest, I can do it myself!" Which, of course, is true anyway. Just sayin', if I were Catholic...
This makes it hard for my mother. Not the Catholic thing, but the silence. My mom is not an introvert- I am. She can read into me intensely well, which at times can be both gratifying and somewhat annoying. :)
My silence annoys her in some ways I can understand. Like, for instance, when something is really bothering me, I get snappy. I think it is because all of my mature reasoning powers are intent on solving a particular problem, turning it over and over in my mind, weighing heavily on my heart. When something bothers me, it bothers me. So in the world around me, my mature reasoning powers are not functioning due to their use of solving my problem, therefor my immature, juvenile instincts take over as my default attitude. Stupid, I know, but true. And it makes life grumpier for the people around me i.e. my mom.
It's something I need to work on. I really do love her, and completely understand her. I am a jerk sometimes.

"Bonnie, tell me what's wrong!!"
What she is really saying-
"Bonnie, I know you are troubled, tell me about it!"

"Nothing is wrong!"
What I am really saying-
Something is bothering me, but I am working it out."

As you can imagine, things then gradually get filled with more and more tension. Sigh. If only we could read each others' mind.

Frank Capra
I am currently doing a research paper on Frank Capra. I have watched Mr. Smith Goes to Washington at least five times. It has become one of my favorite films. I have also watched It Happened One Night, which I have a sneaking suspicion might be on the AFI list as well. I have spent the entire semester writing about Frank Capra and his films, and I still have half of a semester more to write. I may upload or cut and paste some of my papers about the films sometime, but other than that I am pretty much refusing to write about Capra outside of class right now. I like Mr. Capra, and writing about him, and I do not want that to change.

I have not been listening to much new music lately. I bought the new MGMT album. They are ok. They sound too much like Of Montreal for me to appreciate their "originality".
I have been listening to a lot of Belle and Sebastian (imagine that) and a lot of Yo La Tengo. I appreciate Yo La Tengo for being great and awesome, and Belle and Sebastian for being Bonnie in music-form, with the exception of all the gay references.
I have listened to a band called mewithoutYou, introduced to me by a kind person. They do not play the kind of music I generally listen to AT ALL, but the more I do listen, the more I find myself drawn to, yea I know. The lyrics.
The lyrics are a reflection of the writers' relationship with God. Not like "I love Jesus You should too"* but stuff that really digs. The tough stuff that stands true.

So I have begun to deal with the things weighing on my spirit by running. I get my Bible and sometimes my notebook, lace up my tennis shoes, and plug in some of the abovementioned bands, and I am ready to go. I do go, indeed.
The neighborhood next to ours is a step above in terms of "niceness". It has a pool and tennis courts. The neighborhood just beyond that one is a step above the "pool and tennis courts" and is in the process of being built. While they have not yet finished the houses (indeed, most of the lots have not even been bought yet), they have completed a walking path that runs through a "forest" (in reality a small clearing in-between lots) that winds around a man-made pond and ends at the lesser neighborhood's pool complex. I take my Bible and run to that pond, and run around it, and in essence run and pray and get all my thoughts out through my sweat. After I run a bit, I sit underneath a tree and read Romans 8. Then I get back up again and run. When I feel better, I walk back to my house. All this usually takes a little over an hour. But man, do I feel better coming home from school and forgetting about everything through just one run. Sometimes I get back from school, say hey to my mom, and then run outside and take off. Sometimes I have to, or I will get grumpy like I mentioned earlier. Anyway, all-in-all I have my own way of dealing with things. It involves prayer and being quiet.
Maybe I will get around to writing a review again. I think I will, just give me a few weeks.

not that there is anything wrong with those kind of lyrics. Snicker.

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