06 June 2011

Written on a Very Blustery Day: A Letter to My Brother

Dear Seth,
I am sorry I didn't call yesterday- I am currently without a phone card, so next time I talk to you it will be from Georgia. I hope your birthday was wonderful! On your birthday I went to a craft market, bought a jigsaw puzzle, and studied for my exam this morning (8:00am! And it didn't really go so hot...) and went to bed. I did think of you a lot during the day, and wondered how you were spending your 24th birthday. (You are 24 now, right? I can never remember how old you are, 67, 80, 14...)
I have been waking up every morning the last week and a half with tears in my eyes. Isn't that so dramatic? But certain moments of the days bring tears to my eyes because I know I will leave this place so soon. So each morning when I wake up I think, This will be my last Sunday (or whatever day) in South Africa! And then I get all teary. But I know when I get home and see everyone I will be supremely happy. I have been having anxiety dreams about coming home. Most of them feature me being picked up by one of our parents and then taken home with the air of an every-day happenstance. One dream I had was awful- Mama picked me up and when I got home I kept crying because I had such mixed emotions and Mama got annoyed at me. Then Daddy called from work and said that if I didn't straighten up they would kick me out and I could find somewhere else to live! As unlikely as that is to happen (what's the probability? 1 to 9 million?) it still made me very upset. And last night I had a dream that I came home and Sam was the only one who was happy to see me. I even went and hung out with my friend from school, Anna, and she acted like South Africa was no big deal. In my dream, that is. I guess I am afraid that no one will be as excited to see me as I am excited to see them, or something. It's all gotta be the subconscious! Bless Freud's heart.
And of course I have to tell you about all of this, because they are my dreams. After all, "tell them anyway, and you can make it up as you go."
Thanks for being the best brother I could ever have thought possible. You have been such a strong friend through the years and even now I look up to you as an example of a great person I wouldn't mind resembling (not physically, that would be strange and I like being a girl). I have learned a lot about what it means to have a relationship with Christ by watching you walk with Him throughout the years. Even as a 12 year old you were quite a faith-force to be reckoned with! I will always remember the day we walked around town and you pretty much witnessed to everyone we met on the street. I thought it was really weird but at the same time I was secretly really proud of you. Your desire to know God and your desire to cultivate the mind He gave you is so encouraging to me. I especially value your willingness to show your doubts and low-points in your faith.
I will always be jealous of your inherent ability to charm people and your gift of gab, but then again I am glad I possess neither quality, because maybe it would make this strange unspoken competition between us even worse. Hardy har har. Some of my favorite memories involve our times together. The time I saw you make the basket when you threw the basketball from the opposite corner of the court...facing backwards. And of course when you hit the high note that one time in Bohemian Rhapsody. I remember with fondness the mornings and afternoons at the kitchen table "doing schoolwork" when Mama went out to the clothesline. Schlick-Flop. You getting so mad at me...a lot! But especially when I made my Katie Kiss'n'Giggles kiss you and when I kept dying during The Return of the King video game. I have also gotten mad at you- when you called me a "poser" (never mind that I was!) and when you made me play Time Splitters 2 or tried to get me to sword fight. Speaking of swords, I still have a dimple in between my knuckles from where you handed me Sting blade-first. Sigh, sometimes you are so smart. So many memories, but it's such a drag to constantly exist in a state of nostalgia! Moving forward...

I am so thankful to have you in my life, and I am so grateful that you have brought another great person into my life in form of your wife. You guys continue to inspire me, frustrate me, humor me, encourage me, and love me no matter what. I look forward to our lives as adults together...our childhood was awesome so our adulthood should be pretty cool, too, right?
After all,

It's hammer-time to go homePlate of cookies and cream pie am the walrus-ty bike wheel of fortune teller window-cleaner than a pen-nie phwang, and niiii-womMommy, daddy, and sister mary mother of god, father, son, and holy ghost and the darkNes-quick-silver and gold coins are shinKnees and ToeOh say can you see c d e f geomeTree roots on a rock that hot dog.

I love you, and you really make it hard for me to find a friend if I go by the proverb "A friend sticks closer than a brother."


  1. Oh, wow. How nice is that? Wish my brothers/sister would write something nice about me. Maybe when I'm dead and gone. Or, at least, dying. And, don't worry, Bonnie. We will ALL be excited to see you and Daddy will not kick you out (unless you don't straighten up!).

  2. wow - Bonnie Bonnie Bonnie! You just dont' know how excited we are to be having you come home! We have worked very hard on your room to have it perfect for your return so you can have your own special place within our/your home that you can know is yours and welcoming to have you in it! We LOVE you and await anxiously! I love you, Bon Bon!


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